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Literature Text
The scene reopens on deep, dark night. Uninhibited by light pollution, the Milky Way spills across the heavens like a glittering slick of white diamonds. A great expanse of desert badland elides away in every direction; dotted with sagebrush, rocks, distant mountains and a star-freckled sky. A coyote skips its way through the landscape, looking for a gone-midnight snack.
The coyote turns its head, ears pricked up at a noise drawing his attention. Looking towards the sound, the mortified animal is bathed in light, the sound growing ever louder.
Harley and Ivy's getaway plane screams out of the sky towards the helpless beast. Perhaps with no understanding of what it is seeing, just visible though the cockpit windows are an equally helpless pair of women; Ivy has a hold on Harley's neck and is trying to throttle her, Harley just looks like she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
The jet roars over the coyote, sending it tumbling nose over tail in the powerful draft of air, tearing up scrub and kicking up clouds of dust. The aircraft bellies-down into the desert, kicking up massive plumes of dirt and debris. It careens along the ground, one wing tearing free and pirouetting through the air, the fuselage fracturing here and there, and gouging a trench into the earth. The tail section breaks off and bounces away, trailing sparks and tiny flashes of fire, while the remaining front end and body of the jet finally grinds to a halt.
The wreck smoulders in the desert, nothing moving around it, all lights now well and truly out, save where a few small fires have started in its wake. Smoke spirals upwards towards the starry sky.
Smoke lingers in the air, faint tendrils rising in the inky-dark aftermath of the crash. The rising smoke however has a different source; an ashtray, overflowing with cigarette butts on a booth table in what appears to be a bar; poorly lit, with neon on the walls, the place has an off-the-beaten-track, slightly dive-y feel to it, everything greased with red and orange light. The table also has a lot of empty glasses on it. Head down on the table, Harley is exceptionally deep in her cups - her face has a skewed, drunken expression on it.
Seated to her side, is Ivy. She still looks pissed off about the events of the night, but she does at least have a half-full glass in her hand.
Harley hauls her head upright and wags a drunken hand at Ivy, becoming a little belligerent. She pinches her fingers together, miming something very small.
Ivy bristles, arms folded.
Harley perks up, going from cranky to happy in the breakneck speed of booze-powered conversation. She begins to giggle to herself. Ivy looks less than impressed at her amusement.
Ivy stands up at the mention of The Joker, leaving Ivy to wind up horizontal on the booth seat.
Ivy walks over to the bar. Some of the bottles of spirits behind it are smashed, and the large back mirror has been fractured by some huge impact. The bar top is in disarray: an overturned bowl of peanuts spills across the surface along with the remains of several smashed glasses, and a few inches away from them a knife is buried in the bar top.
A bald head appears just over the edge of the bar. We can only see the man's hairless head, his terrified eyes, some of his nose, and the beginnings of his sideburns. Ivy leers at the frightened man.
Harley, still lying on her side, gazes out across the bar, her eyes becoming rimmed with booze-fuelled melancholy.
From her viewpoint, the entire bar is sideways; tilted into her 90-degree viewpoint with tables standing on the wall instead of the floor. Just across the tavern, past a table or two and some overturned chairs, broken glass on the floor, and some other suggestions of a violent altercation. There is a small stage with a couple of microphone stands and a stool on it. A banner or sign of some kind says something about Open Mic Night behind it all. Harley's teary eyes light up.
Back at the bar, Ivy is spinning the cap off a bottle of vodka. The fearful barman continues to cower behind the bar, no more than half a face hoping to survive the night. Ivy turns as a noise draws her attention.
Harley stands a little awkwardly on the stage, the microphone in her hand. Crying has made her makeup run. She starts to sing a touch too emotionally.
Ivy rolls her eyes at Harley's emotion outpouring, exasperated. She looks down at the bartender behind the bar, as Harley continues her off-key singing.
Ivy turns and watches Harley putting her life into song. Her dour expression falters at the sight of her friend pouring her heart out and in so much evident pain.
Ivy face crumbles like a glacier; all her attempts to hold her facade of detachment to humanity (and Harley) are for nothing, revealing a more and more empathic colour to her features. She looks at the bottle in her hand and then back over her shoulder at the man behind the bar. She looks back at the hammered Harley.
Ivy throws any quaint regard for being ladylike out of the window and begins to pound down the hooch from the bottle.
Back on the stage, Harley continues her broken little serenade, tears still flowing, her makeup so terribly smeared she looks like an Alice Cooper tribute act.
A shadow appears at the edge of the stage as someone else steps up to the microphones, and interrupts Harley's heartbroken song with one of their own.
Harley turns to find Ivy is standing next to her, mic in hand, half-empty bottle in the other.
Harley has stopped singing now, the mic in her hand dropped to her side, and is standing open-mouthed looking at Ivy. On one hand she looks flabbergasted that Ivy can perhaps sing so well, it's just the fact she's actually doing it as opposed to just standing on the sidelines berating her choices in life or her ditzy behaviour. Looking back at Harl, Ivy continues to sing.
Harley wipes her nose the back of her hand, the corners of her mouth starting to turn upwards once again. Ivy doesn't break eye contact with Harl.
Harley steps right up to Ivy, lifts the microphone, and they sing together.
Harley immediately gloms onto Ivy, throwing her arms around her neck and bursting into tears. Ivy stands there a little awkwardly, trying to avoid having to hug Harley on one hand, and on the other probably wanting to but is stuck with a microphone and a bottle in her mitts.
Ivy's face cannot hold up to the barrage coming from those eyes. She melts.
Harley lunges up and plants her lips on Ivy's. Standing stuck in Harley's embrace, Ivy surrenders. She drops the microphone and the vodka bottle (which promptly shatters), puts her arms around her very special friend and kisses her back.
Behind the bar, the barman continues to cower. Something suddenly collides with the bar and the man almost has a heart attack. Peeping over the top of the counter he sees Harley and Ivy, still locked in each other's arms, mouths hungrily sparring with each other. The bartender's eyes are a little bemused, but at least he's not in any danger at this moment.
The two come up for air, Ivy's hands pushing Harley's hair back from her face.
Ivy eyes up Harley in a eager, predatory fashion. Harley gives the look right back to her.
Ivy lets go of Harley for just long enough to lean over the bar to stare down at the barman. As pleased as she is, she still manages to retain a little bit of menace.
The frightened civilian nods fastidiously.
Ivy grabs the barman by his collar, hauls him up to her level and kisses him. His terrified eyes relax into a soporific lack of focus. Ivy lets him go, and the man wavers on his feet, dazed and pacified.
The barman blankly nods, his face etched into a dopey grin.
Ivy takes hold of Harley's hand and leads her towards the bar's door. The whole barroom is in a shambles; overturned tables, smashed glasses, ladies room door hanging off its hinges, a huge hole in the wall has a pair of legs hanging out of it, two men are unconscious on a pool table - one wearing the rack around his neck - and several of the neon signs are broken - leaving only the occasional letter lit.
The girls head out through the door, arms around one another. Harley's face is a fully beam grin - one hand raised, snapping her fingers - and while Ivy is rolling her eyes, she looks equally happy.
Back in the hotel suite disaster-zone, Harley and Ivy are lying across the bed; Ivy is on her back, her head hanging over the side looking up at the ceiling, while Harley has an arm around Ivy's shoulders and her head rested against her chest. Harl has her eyes shut, a huge smile on her face, while Ivy looks somewhat resigned to her fate.
Harley pushes herself up on her elbows next to Ivy. She looks a little more serious now, sad in a much less animated manner for the regular Harley Quinn level of unrestrained.
Ivy rolls over and sits on the edge of the bed, the cuffs and the rubber chicken by her toes. Harley kneels on the bed behind her, her head resting on Ivy's shoulder.
Ivy turns to face Harley, her hands raised in emphasis, her expression one of frustration.
Now from Ivy's perspective, Harley looks back at her friend - her eyes are glistening; rimmed with a promise of tears, but she is smiling again. Ivy strokes Harley's cheek with a fingertip.
Ivy stands up and throws her arms wide, her back turned, Harley looking on. This one side of the room there was once a rather romantic bathtub-for-two, it has transformed into a small jungle; all the real potted plants were tossed there together in a vegetation free-for-all, and they have grown... and grown. Vines and thick lush stems lace over the wall, the floor, even the ceiling, dominating one side of the room. Mutant, hybrid roses bloom, leaf-leaden creepers trail out of the tub and onto the expensive rugs.
Ivy takes Harley's hands and they stand in front of the strange, blooming arbour, looking for all the world like a couple exchanging vows.
They both turn to survey the suite in all its chaotic, ruined glory, arms around each other's waists. The bear still looks out of place (and potentially violated), the boxing gloves still whirl on the fan, and the cavalcade of empty booze bottle spin on the floor (now evidently used as bowling pins - from this perspective the grapefruit bowled at them are visible on the floor). It really is a wreck, but they must have enjoyed making it.
Harley suddenly claps her hands together. She looks suddenly thrilled by whatever has occurred to her. Ivy quirks an eyebrow in response.
Harley feet begin to dart around the room again, gathering up clothing as she goes.
Harley, now half-dressed and only wearing one boot, limps across the room to Ivy. In her hand is an extremely dog-eared, creased and stained piece of paper. Ivy takes it off her and looks at it with a somewhat sceptical eye.
"The List" has seen better days; one edge looks scorched, and there are what looks like bloodstains on part of it. The text has been scribbled out in places, written and re-written, and in the margins are several idle doodles of Harley and The Joker - one especially prominent one is of Harley in a wedding dress with a bouquet, one of The Joker in a tuxedo, like figures on a wedding cake. Only the uppermost section is visible - it reads:
Ivy looks at Harley's plans for a dream life and tries not to look too disapproving.
Harley whirls on the spot, beaming as though she is wrapt in a wonderful memory. Her eyes though are blank, lifeless almost. Ivy stands back behind Harley, her hand going instinctively towards her mouth.
Ivy steps up behind Harley and puts her arms around her waist, resting her head on her shoulder. She looks both sad and angry. Harley continues her reverie, only her smile is slipping; the veneer of Harley Quinn is fading in the cold reality of the life of Harleen Quinzel.
Ivy rests her hands on Harley's stomach. Harley rests her hands on Ivy's.
Ivy turns Harley around, puts her hands on her shoulders. Harley's head is lowered.
Harley sets her jaw and holds up her palms, her eyes closed and her face resolute.
Harley muses for a moment.
Harley limps back across the room in her single boot, wearing a newly-determined, Scarlet O'Hara look in her eyes - as God is her witness, she'll never go hungry again. Ivy breaks into a little smile.
Harley turns back to face Ivy - in her hand is the keys for the stolen car. She grins wolfishly.
BOXOUT TEXT
9 miles outside Elko, Nevada...
9 miles outside Elko, Nevada...
The coyote turns its head, ears pricked up at a noise drawing his attention. Looking towards the sound, the mortified animal is bathed in light, the sound growing ever louder.
SFX
*Vweeeeeeeeeeee...*
*Vweeeeeeeeeeee...*
Harley and Ivy's getaway plane screams out of the sky towards the helpless beast. Perhaps with no understanding of what it is seeing, just visible though the cockpit windows are an equally helpless pair of women; Ivy has a hold on Harley's neck and is trying to throttle her, Harley just looks like she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
SFX
*...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!*
*...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!*
The jet roars over the coyote, sending it tumbling nose over tail in the powerful draft of air, tearing up scrub and kicking up clouds of dust. The aircraft bellies-down into the desert, kicking up massive plumes of dirt and debris. It careens along the ground, one wing tearing free and pirouetting through the air, the fuselage fracturing here and there, and gouging a trench into the earth. The tail section breaks off and bounces away, trailing sparks and tiny flashes of fire, while the remaining front end and body of the jet finally grinds to a halt.
SFX
*KKRRRRRAAAKOOOOOMM!!*
*KKRRRRRAAAKOOOOOMM!!*
The wreck smoulders in the desert, nothing moving around it, all lights now well and truly out, save where a few small fires have started in its wake. Smoke spirals upwards towards the starry sky.
IVY (boxout text)
... we've got enough to go anywhere! I guess they don't cover safe landings when you're playing Medal of Duty, you dingbat!
HARLEY (boxout text)
Hey, any landin' you can walk away from...
IVY (boxout text)
Walk, limp, or crawl, Harley. Which was it we did, hmm?
... we've got enough to go anywhere! I guess they don't cover safe landings when you're playing Medal of Duty, you dingbat!
HARLEY (boxout text)
Hey, any landin' you can walk away from...
IVY (boxout text)
Walk, limp, or crawl, Harley. Which was it we did, hmm?
* * * * *
Smoke lingers in the air, faint tendrils rising in the inky-dark aftermath of the crash. The rising smoke however has a different source; an ashtray, overflowing with cigarette butts on a booth table in what appears to be a bar; poorly lit, with neon on the walls, the place has an off-the-beaten-track, slightly dive-y feel to it, everything greased with red and orange light. The table also has a lot of empty glasses on it. Head down on the table, Harley is exceptionally deep in her cups - her face has a skewed, drunken expression on it.
HARLEY (boxout text)
Well, walk we did - with you bitchin' every friggin' step. Eventually we found that roadhouse.
IVY (boxout text)
The locals weren't all too welcoming to begin with, but they soon warmed up to us. I think we'd earned a celebration...
HARLEY
Ya know, Red, it's good to come out on top for onesh.
Well, walk we did - with you bitchin' every friggin' step. Eventually we found that roadhouse.
IVY (boxout text)
The locals weren't all too welcoming to begin with, but they soon warmed up to us. I think we'd earned a celebration...
HARLEY
Ya know, Red, it's good to come out on top for onesh.
Seated to her side, is Ivy. She still looks pissed off about the events of the night, but she does at least have a half-full glass in her hand.
IVY
Yes, I now know exactly who to come to when I need a plane crashing in the middle of nowhere.
Yes, I now know exactly who to come to when I need a plane crashing in the middle of nowhere.
Harley hauls her head upright and wags a drunken hand at Ivy, becoming a little belligerent. She pinches her fingers together, miming something very small.
HARLEY
I didn't nearly nuke the whole friggin' city! I jus' crashed one teeny tiny jet. Thish one was all your screwup, Red.
I didn't nearly nuke the whole friggin' city! I jus' crashed one teeny tiny jet. Thish one was all your screwup, Red.
Ivy bristles, arms folded.
IVY
How was I to... *sigh* alright, I could have looked into things a little more thoroughly. Sterling will be shut down while Batman and the GCPD drag them through the courts, but where's the just desserts in that?
How was I to... *sigh* alright, I could have looked into things a little more thoroughly. Sterling will be shut down while Batman and the GCPD drag them through the courts, but where's the just desserts in that?
Harley perks up, going from cranky to happy in the breakneck speed of booze-powered conversation. She begins to giggle to herself. Ivy looks less than impressed at her amusement.
HARLEY
Hah... ha hah ha...
IVY
What's so funny about that?
HARLEY
We jusht crashed in the desert! Ha!
Hah... ha hah ha...
IVY
What's so funny about that?
HARLEY
We jusht crashed in the desert! Ha!
Ivy tries to suppress the beginnings of a smile. Harley leans over drunkenly and flops her head onto Ivy's shoulder.
IVY
You're an idiot, Harley.
HARLEY
'Least you could do is laugh at my gags... Mister J laughs at my gags. Sometimes. Onesh, anyhoo...
You're an idiot, Harley.
HARLEY
'Least you could do is laugh at my gags... Mister J laughs at my gags. Sometimes. Onesh, anyhoo...
Ivy stands up at the mention of The Joker, leaving Ivy to wind up horizontal on the booth seat.
IVY
I need a refill. You want another?
HARLEY
Shure... take my mind off my Puddin'... wish he'd seen me do somethin' right for onesh... *sniff*
I need a refill. You want another?
HARLEY
Shure... take my mind off my Puddin'... wish he'd seen me do somethin' right for onesh... *sniff*
Ivy walks over to the bar. Some of the bottles of spirits behind it are smashed, and the large back mirror has been fractured by some huge impact. The bar top is in disarray: an overturned bowl of peanuts spills across the surface along with the remains of several smashed glasses, and a few inches away from them a knife is buried in the bar top.
IVY
Another bottle of whatever you water down the most, Barkeep. Barkeep? I know you're conscious down there...
Another bottle of whatever you water down the most, Barkeep. Barkeep? I know you're conscious down there...
A bald head appears just over the edge of the bar. We can only see the man's hairless head, his terrified eyes, some of his nose, and the beginnings of his sideburns. Ivy leers at the frightened man.
IVY
Bottle. Please.
Bottle. Please.
Harley, still lying on her side, gazes out across the bar, her eyes becoming rimmed with booze-fuelled melancholy.
HARLEY
Oh, why doncha ever say you love me, Mister J... *sniff*
Oh, why doncha ever say you love me, Mister J... *sniff*
From her viewpoint, the entire bar is sideways; tilted into her 90-degree viewpoint with tables standing on the wall instead of the floor. Just across the tavern, past a table or two and some overturned chairs, broken glass on the floor, and some other suggestions of a violent altercation. There is a small stage with a couple of microphone stands and a stool on it. A banner or sign of some kind says something about Open Mic Night behind it all. Harley's teary eyes light up.
Back at the bar, Ivy is spinning the cap off a bottle of vodka. The fearful barman continues to cower behind the bar, no more than half a face hoping to survive the night. Ivy turns as a noise draws her attention.
SFX
*Sqeeeex*
*Tmp-tmp-tmp*
HARLEY (off panel)
Testin', one two... *ahem*
*Sqeeeex*
*Tmp-tmp-tmp*
HARLEY (off panel)
Testin', one two... *ahem*
Harley stands a little awkwardly on the stage, the microphone in her hand. Crying has made her makeup run. She starts to sing a touch too emotionally.
HARLEY
Lookin' from a window above, s'like a story of love... can you hear me?
Lookin' from a window above, s'like a story of love... can you hear me?
Ivy rolls her eyes at Harley's emotion outpouring, exasperated. She looks down at the bartender behind the bar, as Harley continues her off-key singing.
IVY
And cue the blubbering. Why she sees so much in someone that does nothing but hurt her is beyond me... I've seen jellyfish with more backbone... tsk!
And cue the blubbering. Why she sees so much in someone that does nothing but hurt her is beyond me... I've seen jellyfish with more backbone... tsk!
HARLEY
... you're movin' further away... want you neeeeear meeeeee *sniffle*...
... you're movin' further away... want you neeeeear meeeeee *sniffle*...
Ivy turns and watches Harley putting her life into song. Her dour expression falters at the sight of her friend pouring her heart out and in so much evident pain.
HARLEY (off panel)
... all I needed was th' *sniff* th' love you gaaaave, all I needed...
IVY
No matter what I say she still goes back to that parasite. What do I have to do to get it through her thick skull that man is... that what she needs is...
... all I needed was th' *sniff* th' love you gaaaave, all I needed...
IVY
No matter what I say she still goes back to that parasite. What do I have to do to get it through her thick skull that man is... that what she needs is...
Ivy face crumbles like a glacier; all her attempts to hold her facade of detachment to humanity (and Harley) are for nothing, revealing a more and more empathic colour to her features. She looks at the bottle in her hand and then back over her shoulder at the man behind the bar. She looks back at the hammered Harley.
IVY
... is... oh, to hell with it!
... is... oh, to hell with it!
Ivy throws any quaint regard for being ladylike out of the window and begins to pound down the hooch from the bottle.
Back on the stage, Harley continues her broken little serenade, tears still flowing, her makeup so terribly smeared she looks like an Alice Cooper tribute act.
HARLEY
... Listen to th' words that ya say, s'gettin' harder to stay... when I seeeeeee yoooou... All I needed was th' love you gave, all I needed for another day... An' all I ever knew... On-
... Listen to th' words that ya say, s'gettin' harder to stay... when I seeeeeee yoooou... All I needed was th' love you gave, all I needed for another day... An' all I ever knew... On-
A shadow appears at the edge of the stage as someone else steps up to the microphones, and interrupts Harley's heartbroken song with one of their own.
IVY
Only you can turn the world on with your smile...
Only you can turn the world on with your smile...
Harley turns to find Ivy is standing next to her, mic in hand, half-empty bottle in the other.
IVY
... only you can take a nothin' day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile...
... only you can take a nothin' day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile...
Harley has stopped singing now, the mic in her hand dropped to her side, and is standing open-mouthed looking at Ivy. On one hand she looks flabbergasted that Ivy can perhaps sing so well, it's just the fact she's actually doing it as opposed to just standing on the sidelines berating her choices in life or her ditzy behaviour. Looking back at Harl, Ivy continues to sing.
IVY
... Well it's you girl, and you should know it... with each glance and every little movement you show it...
... Well it's you girl, and you should know it... with each glance and every little movement you show it...
Harley wipes her nose the back of her hand, the corners of her mouth starting to turn upwards once again. Ivy doesn't break eye contact with Harl.
IVY
... Love is all around, no need to waste it... you can never tell, why don't you taste it...
... Love is all around, no need to waste it... you can never tell, why don't you taste it...
Harley steps right up to Ivy, lifts the microphone, and they sing together.
HARLEY & IVY
... You're gonna make it after all...
... You're gonna make it after all...
Harley immediately gloms onto Ivy, throwing her arms around her neck and bursting into tears. Ivy stands there a little awkwardly, trying to avoid having to hug Harley on one hand, and on the other probably wanting to but is stuck with a microphone and a bottle in her mitts.
HARLEY
*Bwaaaaaaaaahhh!* You're my best friend, Red! I love you so much! *Ubuh-ubuh-bwaaaaaaaaahhahhahhhh!*
IVY
*sigh* I love you too, you big, stupid, annoying, crybaby... beautiful...
*Bwaaaaaaaaahhh!* You're my best friend, Red! I love you so much! *Ubuh-ubuh-bwaaaaaaaaahhahhahhhh!*
IVY
*sigh* I love you too, you big, stupid, annoying, crybaby... beautiful...
Harley looks up at Ivy; huge teary eyes like lakes imploring, nose running, bottom lip trembling.
HARLEY
You... really mean that, Pammie?
You... really mean that, Pammie?
Ivy's face cannot hold up to the barrage coming from those eyes. She melts.
IVY
Yes, I do Harleen. I need you to breathe - remember?
Yes, I do Harleen. I need you to breathe - remember?
Harley lunges up and plants her lips on Ivy's. Standing stuck in Harley's embrace, Ivy surrenders. She drops the microphone and the vodka bottle (which promptly shatters), puts her arms around her very special friend and kisses her back.
SFX
*Tmp*
*Krshhhh!*
HARLEY (boxout text)
*sniff* That's the most romantical thing anyone's ever done for me, Red. I love you! *sniffle*
IVY (boxout text)
Get off already! Your breath would kill weeds!
HARLEY (boxout text)
Shuddup and kiss me!
*Tmp*
*Krshhhh!*
HARLEY (boxout text)
*sniff* That's the most romantical thing anyone's ever done for me, Red. I love you! *sniffle*
IVY (boxout text)
Get off already! Your breath would kill weeds!
HARLEY (boxout text)
Shuddup and kiss me!
Behind the bar, the barman continues to cower. Something suddenly collides with the bar and the man almost has a heart attack. Peeping over the top of the counter he sees Harley and Ivy, still locked in each other's arms, mouths hungrily sparring with each other. The bartender's eyes are a little bemused, but at least he's not in any danger at this moment.
The two come up for air, Ivy's hands pushing Harley's hair back from her face.
IVY
Mmmm. What now?
HARLEY
Let's get outta here. I mean, we crashed a jet-
IVY
You crashed a jet-
HARLEY
We crashed a jet, we scored a suitcase full o' dough, and we beat the Batman. We've had a busy day.
IVY
Where do you want to go?
HARLEY
Bed.
Mmmm. What now?
HARLEY
Let's get outta here. I mean, we crashed a jet-
IVY
You crashed a jet-
HARLEY
We crashed a jet, we scored a suitcase full o' dough, and we beat the Batman. We've had a busy day.
IVY
Where do you want to go?
HARLEY
Bed.
Ivy eyes up Harley in a eager, predatory fashion. Harley gives the look right back to her.
IVY
You think I could tempt you to lay down some flowers in it?
HARLEY
Oh, you bet your dollars for donuts you can.
You think I could tempt you to lay down some flowers in it?
HARLEY
Oh, you bet your dollars for donuts you can.
Ivy lets go of Harley for just long enough to lean over the bar to stare down at the barman. As pleased as she is, she still manages to retain a little bit of menace.
IVY
Oh Barkeep, put this on my tab, would you?
Oh Barkeep, put this on my tab, would you?
The frightened civilian nods fastidiously.
IVY
How nice of you. Come here.
How nice of you. Come here.
Ivy grabs the barman by his collar, hauls him up to her level and kisses him. His terrified eyes relax into a soporific lack of focus. Ivy lets him go, and the man wavers on his feet, dazed and pacified.
IVY
Carkeys, darling.
HARLEY (off panel)
Aren't I your darlin'? *giggle*
IVY
Harley, hush.
The bartender hands over a set of carkeys drowsily. Ivy smiles.
IVY
Thank you so much. Now, sit down and have a drink. No calling the police. Understand?
Carkeys, darling.
HARLEY (off panel)
Aren't I your darlin'? *giggle*
IVY
Harley, hush.
The bartender hands over a set of carkeys drowsily. Ivy smiles.
IVY
Thank you so much. Now, sit down and have a drink. No calling the police. Understand?
The barman blankly nods, his face etched into a dopey grin.
Ivy takes hold of Harley's hand and leads her towards the bar's door. The whole barroom is in a shambles; overturned tables, smashed glasses, ladies room door hanging off its hinges, a huge hole in the wall has a pair of legs hanging out of it, two men are unconscious on a pool table - one wearing the rack around his neck - and several of the neon signs are broken - leaving only the occasional letter lit.
HARLEY
Where we goin', Red?
IVY
Somewhere big. With room service... how far is Las Vegas?
HARLEY
Oooh! You wanna take me to a 24-hour wedding chapel or somethin'?
IVY
Oh, I think we can do better than that...
Where we goin', Red?
IVY
Somewhere big. With room service... how far is Las Vegas?
HARLEY
Oooh! You wanna take me to a 24-hour wedding chapel or somethin'?
IVY
Oh, I think we can do better than that...
The girls head out through the door, arms around one another. Harley's face is a fully beam grin - one hand raised, snapping her fingers - and while Ivy is rolling her eyes, she looks equally happy.
SFX
*Snap!*
HARLEY
Elvis chapel!
IVY
You kook...
* * * * *
*Snap!*
HARLEY
Elvis chapel!
IVY
You kook...
* * * * *
Back in the hotel suite disaster-zone, Harley and Ivy are lying across the bed; Ivy is on her back, her head hanging over the side looking up at the ceiling, while Harley has an arm around Ivy's shoulders and her head rested against her chest. Harl has her eyes shut, a huge smile on her face, while Ivy looks somewhat resigned to her fate.
IVY
But we went with a pirate theme instead. A step up from a fat, middle-aged, balding guy in a gold jumpsuit, I suppose. Either way... we're married now.
HARLEY
Well, my mom always said you're supposed to marry your best friend.
IVY
Did she?
HARLEY
Don't really know... my dad's been in an outta the joint most of my life. An' she don't approve of my lifestyle choices.
But we went with a pirate theme instead. A step up from a fat, middle-aged, balding guy in a gold jumpsuit, I suppose. Either way... we're married now.
HARLEY
Well, my mom always said you're supposed to marry your best friend.
IVY
Did she?
HARLEY
Don't really know... my dad's been in an outta the joint most of my life. An' she don't approve of my lifestyle choices.
Harley pushes herself up on her elbows next to Ivy. She looks a little more serious now, sad in a much less animated manner for the regular Harley Quinn level of unrestrained.
IVY
Do you think she'll mind you bringing home a known ecoterrorist?
HARLEY
Well, you're not gonna want to stick around for that, are you?
IVY
Meaning?
HARLEY
I always manage to screw somethin' up, or I mention You-Know-Who, an' then you say somethin' really mean, an'... we've done this enough times to know the curtain falls on this, Red.
Do you think she'll mind you bringing home a known ecoterrorist?
HARLEY
Well, you're not gonna want to stick around for that, are you?
IVY
Meaning?
HARLEY
I always manage to screw somethin' up, or I mention You-Know-Who, an' then you say somethin' really mean, an'... we've done this enough times to know the curtain falls on this, Red.
Ivy rolls over and sits on the edge of the bed, the cuffs and the rubber chicken by her toes. Harley kneels on the bed behind her, her head resting on Ivy's shoulder.
IVY
Is that what you want, Harley?
HARLEY
I might be a ditz, sure, but I know this ain't what you want, Red.
Is that what you want, Harley?
HARLEY
I might be a ditz, sure, but I know this ain't what you want, Red.
Ivy turns to face Harley, her hands raised in emphasis, her expression one of frustration.
IVY
Harl, you know how I feel about mankind. It's easy to hate them; they burn up jungles older than their cities, saw down forests to make way for stripmalls and parking lots, they poison the soil, the air... and they mow stripes into lawns! I mean, seriously, why do they do that?!
Harl, you know how I feel about mankind. It's easy to hate them; they burn up jungles older than their cities, saw down forests to make way for stripmalls and parking lots, they poison the soil, the air... and they mow stripes into lawns! I mean, seriously, why do they do that?!
Now from Ivy's perspective, Harley looks back at her friend - her eyes are glistening; rimmed with a promise of tears, but she is smiling again. Ivy strokes Harley's cheek with a fingertip.
IVY
But something keeps me from letting them go. Just one thing. One dizzy, annoying, marginally-psychotic thing. And I always thought you had to work at marriage before you quit on it. Besides...
But something keeps me from letting them go. Just one thing. One dizzy, annoying, marginally-psychotic thing. And I always thought you had to work at marriage before you quit on it. Besides...
Ivy stands up and throws her arms wide, her back turned, Harley looking on. This one side of the room there was once a rather romantic bathtub-for-two, it has transformed into a small jungle; all the real potted plants were tossed there together in a vegetation free-for-all, and they have grown... and grown. Vines and thick lush stems lace over the wall, the floor, even the ceiling, dominating one side of the room. Mutant, hybrid roses bloom, leaf-leaden creepers trail out of the tub and onto the expensive rugs.
IVY
... we've had fun before, Harley, but last night? Wow.
... we've had fun before, Harley, but last night? Wow.
Ivy takes Harley's hands and they stand in front of the strange, blooming arbour, looking for all the world like a couple exchanging vows.
IVY
If this is married life, I could get used to it.
If this is married life, I could get used to it.
HARLEY
I dunno, Red. My Pops always said once you get hitched the hot stuff gets pretty lukewarm...
I dunno, Red. My Pops always said once you get hitched the hot stuff gets pretty lukewarm...
They both turn to survey the suite in all its chaotic, ruined glory, arms around each other's waists. The bear still looks out of place (and potentially violated), the boxing gloves still whirl on the fan, and the cavalcade of empty booze bottle spin on the floor (now evidently used as bowling pins - from this perspective the grapefruit bowled at them are visible on the floor). It really is a wreck, but they must have enjoyed making it.
IVY
I think we're going to have to find alternative lodgings. They're never letting us back in here...
I think we're going to have to find alternative lodgings. They're never letting us back in here...
Harley suddenly claps her hands together. She looks suddenly thrilled by whatever has occurred to her. Ivy quirks an eyebrow in response.
HARLEY
The List! Get dressed, Red - we have to do The List!
IVY
What list?
The List! Get dressed, Red - we have to do The List!
IVY
What list?
Harley feet begin to dart around the room again, gathering up clothing as she goes.
HARLEY
I had a list I made... had it for years... stuff I was gonna do once me an' Mister J tied the knot, you know?
IVY
Things you could do from a hospital bed, then...
I had a list I made... had it for years... stuff I was gonna do once me an' Mister J tied the knot, you know?
IVY
Things you could do from a hospital bed, then...
Ivy suddenly has some underwear thrown at her.
HARLEY (off panel)
Put these on. Ah! Found it!
Put these on. Ah! Found it!
Harley, now half-dressed and only wearing one boot, limps across the room to Ivy. In her hand is an extremely dog-eared, creased and stained piece of paper. Ivy takes it off her and looks at it with a somewhat sceptical eye.
"The List" has seen better days; one edge looks scorched, and there are what looks like bloodstains on part of it. The text has been scribbled out in places, written and re-written, and in the margins are several idle doodles of Harley and The Joker - one especially prominent one is of Harley in a wedding dress with a bouquet, one of The Joker in a tuxedo, like figures on a wedding cake. Only the uppermost section is visible - it reads:
Things to Do After Our Special Day!
(buck up Harley - it's gonna happen one day!)
1) Go on our honeymoon! Make lots of special memories - holding hands, lazing on the beach, going out to dinner, knocking over armoured cars and art galleries, the usual couple stuff.
(and probably have our first big couple's fight... hopefully nowhere flammable)
2) Come back home and set ourselves up a little love nest - no hoods, no muscle, no thugs, just me and my Puddin' so we can work on...
(well, maybe some thugs... we'll need a few for #4)
3) Babies! I want at least three boys and three girls, so Mister J is gonna need his rest! To make sure of that...
(stock up on those pills I saw on the internet and home pregnancy kits - patience, patience, patience, practice, practice, practice!)
4) Kill Batman! And Batgirl. And Robin. And anyone else that stops me from getting in the family way ASAP.
5) Laugh at something every day - NO EXCEPTIONS.
(people falling into oncoming traffic, doggies biting mailmen in the throat, that movie where the boat sinks at the end - the usual stuff)
(buck up Harley - it's gonna happen one day!)
1) Go on our honeymoon! Make lots of special memories - holding hands, lazing on the beach, going out to dinner, knocking over armoured cars and art galleries, the usual couple stuff.
(and probably have our first big couple's fight... hopefully nowhere flammable)
2) Come back home and set ourselves up a little love nest - no hoods, no muscle, no thugs, just me and my Puddin' so we can work on...
(well, maybe some thugs... we'll need a few for #4)
3) Babies! I want at least three boys and three girls, so Mister J is gonna need his rest! To make sure of that...
(stock up on those pills I saw on the internet and home pregnancy kits - patience, patience, patience, practice, practice, practice!)
4) Kill Batman! And Batgirl. And Robin. And anyone else that stops me from getting in the family way ASAP.
5) Laugh at something every day - NO EXCEPTIONS.
(people falling into oncoming traffic, doggies biting mailmen in the throat, that movie where the boat sinks at the end - the usual stuff)
Ivy looks at Harley's plans for a dream life and tries not to look too disapproving.
IVY
You know he'd never have done any of this, Harl.
HARLEY
Well, we kinda worked on some of it a few times... Number 4 turned out a little impossible.
IVY
Don't we both know it. Dare I ask how Number 3 worked out?
You know he'd never have done any of this, Harl.
HARLEY
Well, we kinda worked on some of it a few times... Number 4 turned out a little impossible.
IVY
Don't we both know it. Dare I ask how Number 3 worked out?
Harley whirls on the spot, beaming as though she is wrapt in a wonderful memory. Her eyes though are blank, lifeless almost. Ivy stands back behind Harley, her hand going instinctively towards her mouth.
HARLEY
I know you can't see it, Red, but Mister J is a passionate man. Comedy is everythin' to him. Sometimes we'd work on a lil' gag or two together, sure. But he always made the punchlines. First time I got knocked up, he knocked me down - a flight o' stairs...
I know you can't see it, Red, but Mister J is a passionate man. Comedy is everythin' to him. Sometimes we'd work on a lil' gag or two together, sure. But he always made the punchlines. First time I got knocked up, he knocked me down - a flight o' stairs...
Ivy steps up behind Harley and puts her arms around her waist, resting her head on her shoulder. She looks both sad and angry. Harley continues her reverie, only her smile is slipping; the veneer of Harley Quinn is fading in the cold reality of the life of Harleen Quinzel.
HARLEY
... the next time the tin roof got rusty, he pushed me offa one. Oh, bein' in the puddin' club was a classic! Baseball bat covered in ice cream an' jello! Ha! Well, eventually, the jokes just... dried up. We tried new routines, but... no more jokes...
... the next time the tin roof got rusty, he pushed me offa one. Oh, bein' in the puddin' club was a classic! Baseball bat covered in ice cream an' jello! Ha! Well, eventually, the jokes just... dried up. We tried new routines, but... no more jokes...
Ivy rests her hands on Harley's stomach. Harley rests her hands on Ivy's.
HARLEY
He kept tryin' those punchlines though... gotta learn how to take knocks from a rough crowd, Harley...
He kept tryin' those punchlines though... gotta learn how to take knocks from a rough crowd, Harley...
Ivy turns Harley around, puts her hands on her shoulders. Harley's head is lowered.
IVY
I wish I could, Harley. For you, I would. But you know I can't. We might have to skip Number 3.
I wish I could, Harley. For you, I would. But you know I can't. We might have to skip Number 3.
Harley sets her jaw and holds up her palms, her eyes closed and her face resolute.
HARLEY
Nuh-uh. It's somethin' I wanna do. I gotta do.
IVY
I can't seriously see anyone letting us have a child. Our criminal records are as long as a tree is tall.
Nuh-uh. It's somethin' I wanna do. I gotta do.
IVY
I can't seriously see anyone letting us have a child. Our criminal records are as long as a tree is tall.
Harley muses for a moment.
HARLEY
Maybe we can find a kid who wants a special pair of mommies to teach 'em how to make their way in life. Like an orphan, maybe?
IVY
I'm sure the law would call it kidnapping...
Maybe we can find a kid who wants a special pair of mommies to teach 'em how to make their way in life. Like an orphan, maybe?
IVY
I'm sure the law would call it kidnapping...
Harley limps back across the room in her single boot, wearing a newly-determined, Scarlet O'Hara look in her eyes - as God is her witness, she'll never go hungry again. Ivy breaks into a little smile.
HARLEY
There's gotta be at least one out there for us, Red. A perfect one. And we'll find 'em! Together! Just as soon as we find our case fulla money.
IVY
And the car. And your other boot. We've been married for one night... maybe we should start with acorns instead of oak trees?
There's gotta be at least one out there for us, Red. A perfect one. And we'll find 'em! Together! Just as soon as we find our case fulla money.
IVY
And the car. And your other boot. We've been married for one night... maybe we should start with acorns instead of oak trees?
Harley turns back to face Ivy - in her hand is the keys for the stolen car. She grins wolfishly.
HARLEY
Hey, this is Vegas, baby! Where magic happens! Where big dreams come true! What should we wish for first?
Hey, this is Vegas, baby! Where magic happens! Where big dreams come true! What should we wish for first?
NEXT TIME... with their dreams bet on the roll of a dice, just how much more of Harley & Ivy can Vegas handle - before someone dangerous takes notice? Stay tuned for Just Married (with Children?)
Literature
Halosydne Chapter 3
Halosydne – Part Three
(9 September, San Diego Zoo, San Diego 8:00 PM PST)
The members of Young Justice untied the guards as Lorena and Mera escaped out of a security door. Their escape was somewhat awkward; Lorena did not know what to say to the Queen of Atlantis. Aquaman had long been a champion of San Diego; he even helped Mayor Carl Durham defend the city when Black Manta tried submerged the city with a massive manmade tidal wave. Lorena always found it hard to believe that more superheroes were not unmarried. She could never see herself putting up with husband having to leave at the drop of a hat, putting their lives in perpetual
Literature
Rescue
Title: Rescue
Rating: K+
"Hey, Gordon. Heard you and Grayson hooked up. Looks like you're going for the cash, huh?"
Barbara suppressed a groan as she slammed her locker shut. Although she was tempted to give them a comment that would send them home crying, she used the infamous Batclan Calming Methods to face her tormentors. She turned around and awaited their insults for the day.
The three were the typical high school girl posse. The Queen Bee (Jane Lee), the Wannabe (Lindsay Shaw), and the Tag-along (Gina Lumiere).
These girls had been bothering her since she started going to the Gotham prep schools. And she had been since the second g
Literature
Canary and the Bat
Chapter 1
Something shiny and black goes whizzing past your head into the person you are chasing. You notice it's a batarang. You easily recognize it. You turn around and automatically think it's Batman. Instead the look on your face is shock. You realize unless Batman had a sex change, this person wearing Batman's costume is a girl. You don't know what to think. You see her collect the batarang ties the guy you were chasing up. She turns towards you and you ask her what her name is. She only says, "Call me Batgirl" and then shoots a zipline and takes off. You can't believe what you heard. You realize you have to get in touch with Batman to
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And here's the second part of the first full episode of Just Married - a tale of DC Comic's finest (in my opinon at least) characters (not called Wonder Woman, anyways) in love and on the lam. It's pretty tame stuff, with only a little murder, violence, larceny, love and, well, the other-other L word - and if girls kissin' offends you, you really shouldn't be reading anything I write in the first place! There's even some singing in this one - in a brilliant mashup inspired by the great Paul McDermott! It also touches on a fairly grim themes - in a pretty lightweight way, sure, but it is still the dark end of the street. This is a barebones breakdown for an artist; I've removed the panel-by-panel commentary and direction for an artist for ease of reading... and if anyone out there wanted to draw it, I'd welcome any approach.
Batman is the creation of Bill Finger and Bob Kane, The Joker is the creation of Bill Finger, Bob Kane and Jerry Robinson, Harley Quinn is the creation of Paul Dini and Bruce Timm, Poison Ivy is the creation of Robert Kanigher and Sheldon Moudoff, and all are the respective Copyright of DC Comics. Only You was written by Vince Clarke and is the Copyright of Mute Records. Love Is All Around was written by Sonny Curtis and is the Copyright of Elektra/Warner Music Group. Everything else belongs to me as my own work. Enjoy. I have loved writing this, and Part Two will come soon!
Batman is the creation of Bill Finger and Bob Kane, The Joker is the creation of Bill Finger, Bob Kane and Jerry Robinson, Harley Quinn is the creation of Paul Dini and Bruce Timm, Poison Ivy is the creation of Robert Kanigher and Sheldon Moudoff, and all are the respective Copyright of DC Comics. Only You was written by Vince Clarke and is the Copyright of Mute Records. Love Is All Around was written by Sonny Curtis and is the Copyright of Elektra/Warner Music Group. Everything else belongs to me as my own work. Enjoy. I have loved writing this, and Part Two will come soon!
© 2014 - 2024 Dmofosho
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